You’re A Bust!

I would like to introduce here a concept which has been used before but never truly ushered into the mainstream: the notion of BustCon levels.

BustCon levels are invoked during any social gathering in which the quality of the gathering is a concern. This includes, but is not limited to, standard weekend parties, holiday events, pre-and-post-game soirees, etc. This does not include things like dinner gatherings, where people only want to eat and move, or bar situations, where alternatives are in close proximity. BustCon’s are meant to monitor, warn, and disseminate information information about a purposefully attended social gathering.  Here is how to use them:

BUSTCON 1
This first level of BustCon is usually invoked casually, in passing, to denote a hint of trouble that may come into play along the way.  This could be about the situation in general or a particular person; either way, BustCon 1 is merely a motion that puts the idea of BustCon levels on the table.  Many social gathering reach this level incidentally, and it is nothing to be worried about.

BUSTCON 2
This level elevates things a bit.  While there is still no clear, distinguishable threat to the gathering, there is a strong, general feeling that something, at some point, may very well go very wrong.  This could be related to the setting of the gathering, the people who are organizing it, or just a general malaise about the particular day.  In any case, keep your eyes open and your muscles loose…you may have to spring into action at any time.

BUSTCON 3
At this point, there is a clear threat to the gathering, someone or something which has a definite, real possibility of Busting the party on a grand scale.  This can take many forms, but most commonly, an unexpectedly early shortage of alcohol invokes BustCon 3, and action should be taken at this point to avoid further Bustification.  Most gatherings which have been measured on the BustCon scale have recovered from this; however, we warn, do not take it lightly.

BUSTCON 4
The threat is real, and has taken effect.  BustCon 4 is the breaking point of a social gathering…moving past this level is a veritable Bust-sentence, and all possible action must be taken to quell the threat before the threat takes control.  This is essentially panic mode: what you and your peers do here will be remembered when they tell the story.

BUSTCON 5
This is the ultimate BustCon level that one can invoke during a gathering.  BustCon 5 is a doomsday scenario; there is little to no hope of survival, and nothing short of an absolute miracle can save the situation from becoming a complete and utter Bust.  Only one thing has ever been seen to bring a party back from BustCon 5: A white Hummer limousine pulling up to a party, containing Snoop Dogg, the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders, 5 midgets dressed like various super-heroes, Colin Farrell, 15 bottles of various top-shelf liquors, and Snooki from Jersey Shore.  And it was a close one.

BUSTCON 6
This BustCon level serves one purpose and one purpose only: to reflect upon events that have already taken place, i.e. the aftermath of an absolute disaster.  BustCon 6 can only be declared post-mortem, in situations where the ultimate death of the party occurred so quickly that no one, NO ONE, saw it coming…until it was too late.  BustCon 6 is exclusively retrospective…and the stuff of legends.

As you can see,in contrast to DefCon levels, they go in ascending order of severity, mainly because BustCon 1 doesn’t sound like that big of a deal.  Neither does DefCon 1.  You did it backwards, government.

Used correctly, BustCon levels can be an invaluable tool in the fight against Bust.

The following is the aftermath of a scene that developed a few weekends ago, during an absolutely classic “Sunday Funday” at a local sports pub.  The day was one for the books, and our unfortunate buster wanted to make sure she got her footnote in the Works Cited.  I’m not quite sure if there was an actual witness to the precursor of this bust, but whatever it was, it ended in a flood of freezing water, buffalo sauce, and Miller Lite (both the fluid and the containers).  And everything was going so well…

Mid-recovery

Aftereffects

In the picture to the right, another bust has emerged from the deluge…the infamous Creep Bust!  That’s right, get all up in there.

Breaks your heart

to clarify a few things.  As my fellow Bustee has revealed, there are some other websites taking advantage of the phenomenon known as “The Bust.”  However, although they do have some true-to-life busts listed, they are mostly honest fails, with the occasional bust incorrectly labeled as a fails.  I take this time to elucidate the difference between the two concepts, as they are fundamentally quite separate.

A “fail” occurs when someone, quite simply, fails to do something they were trying to do.  It requires:

1. An attempt

2. Fail (of varying degrees), and

3. A witness.

A “bust,” on the other hand, occurs when someone is simply acting/has acted in a manner completely uncalled for, or has caused other people distress through their inappropriate actions.  Here’s where the major difference comes in: the “buster” could have been completely successful in what they were doing.  No “fail” need be involved; in fact, most often, busts are quite purposeful (though that purpose is not usually understood to anyone else).

The difference can be summed up by the following analogy:  A “fail” is to “you’re doing it wrong” as a “bust” is to “what were you even doing in the first place”.

Some visuals:

Party Fail

Party Bust (I have personal knowledge this was after a party, as there is honestly no discernible evidence that it was)

TRACK & FAILED

Soccer Bust

DRIVE FAIL

Automotive/Patriotic Bust

As you can see, the difference is clear.

I also take this time to officially outline the scope of what can be viewed as a bust.  Though most often taking place in a party/social/drinking setting, they can happen in any area of the world, at any time, as long as they meet the requirements for being a bust in the first place.  These can be viewed as “everyday busts” or “general purpose busts.”  The “freedom fortress” above qualifies perfectly, and numerous Sports Busts happen every day, in our own backyards (for reference, see America’s Funniest Home Videos).

Now we can move forward.  Let Us Bust!

This site just came to my attention:  www.failblog.org.

They are DOING what YOUREABUST.COM does and making money off of it.  They’re calling their Busts “Fails”.  How stupid is that.  What jokers…I mean, really, if someone were to, hypothetically, run out of a ground level apartment, pummeling the screen door he was unable to see, carrying it with him as he tumbles into 4 folding chairs, a lit fire pit, a table with open cans of beer on it, and a dave kaminski; while laying on the ground totally defeated wearing a red sweatshirt and missing a shoe, that’s a true BUST.  I would not point, laugh and say WHAT A FAIL.  That just sounds retarded.  It’s time for www.youreabust.com to take the next step in itslife on the internet.

Red White and Blue?  Nope,  Black, Red, and Yellow.  Bust.

These are, quite literally, busts. 

Oh… and this one is too…

Somebody call a plumber, because we’ve got an absolute bust on our hands.

They done plucked me